Band 5.5 answer (230 words)
Some people say city must spend more money for parks and green place, but other people think build house is better. I will discuss both side and give my opinion.
People who like parks say that parks are important for health. When people go to park they can walk and run and play sport, so they are more healthy. Also park make the air more clean because there are many trees. In big city there is too much pollution and car so people need green place to relax after work. Children also need park to play because many family live in apartment with no garden.
But other people think house is more important. In many city the house price is very high and young people cannot buy house. Some people live in very small room or they live with parents for long time. If government build more house, the price will go down and more people can have home. I think this is a big problem than parks. Also when people have no house, some of them live on the street and it is not safe.
In my opinion, both is important but house is more important because everyone need a place to live. Government should build more house first and after that they can make parks. In conclusion, both side have good reasons but I think houses is better.
| Criterion | Band | Checker's comment |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6 | The essay addresses both views and gives a clear opinion, but the ideas are not developed enough and some points are repetitive or over-general. |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6 | The essay has a clear overall progression and uses some linking devices, but they are sometimes mechanical and referencing is not always clear. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The vocabulary is sufficient to convey meaning but lacks range and precision; there are noticeable errors in word choice and form. |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5 | The essay uses a limited range of structures with frequent grammatical errors that make the reader work to understand some sentences. |
| Overall | 5.5 | Average of the four, rounded down to a half band. |
What held it back
- Frequent grammatical errors, especially subject-verb agreement and articles.
- Ideas are not developed enough; the essay is under length.
- Limited range of vocabulary and linking devices.
Corrections the checker made
Some people say city must spend more money for parks and green place→ Some people say cities must spend more money on parks and green spaces
Use plural 'cities' for general reference; preposition 'on' after 'spend'; 'green spaces' is the correct collocation.but other people think build house is better→ but other people think building houses is better
Use gerund 'building' after 'think'; plural 'houses' for general meaning.I will discuss both side and give my opinion.→ I will discuss both sides and give my opinion.
Plural 'sides' is needed.