Band 6 answer (230 words)
Nowadays, many people pay by card or mobile phone and they don't use cash so much like before. In my opinion, the advantages of this development are more than the disadvantages.
First, paying without cash is very convenient. People do not need to carry a wallet with many coins and notes, they only need their phone. Also it is more faster in shops, because customer just touch the card on the machine. Another advantage is safety. If somebody lose their wallet, the money is gone, but if they lose a phone, the bank can stop the payment. So it is more safe for people.
However, there are some disadvantages too. Some old people don't know how to use mobile payment and they can feel difficult when shops don't accept cash anymore. In addition, when people pay by card they cannot see the money leave their hand, so they spend more money than they plan. For example my cousin always use his phone to buy coffee and snacks and at the end of month he has no money left. Also, if the internet or the bank system stop working, people cannot buy anything.
In conclusion, although cashless payment has some problems for old people and for controlling spending, I believe the advantages is bigger because it is convenient and safe. Government should help old people to learn how to use it.
| Criterion | Band | Checker's comment |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 6.5 | The essay answers the question and presents a clear position, but some ideas lack full development and support. The word count is slightly under 250, which limits depth. |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 7 | The essay is well organised and easy to follow. Cohesive devices are used effectively, though some are slightly mechanical. |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | The range of vocabulary is sufficient, but there are noticeable errors in word choice and form that slightly affect precision. |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 6 | There is a range of sentence structures, but frequent grammatical errors, especially with comparatives and subject-verb agreement, reduce accuracy. |
| Overall | 6 | Average of the four, rounded down to a half band. |
What held it back
- Underdeveloped ideas due to short length.
- Frequent grammatical errors, particularly with comparatives and subject-verb agreement.
- Limited range of vocabulary and some word choice errors.
Corrections the checker made
more faster→ faster
Double comparative: 'faster' is already comparative.more safe→ safer
Use the comparative form 'safer' instead of 'more safe'.advantages is bigger→ advantages are greater
Subject-verb agreement: 'advantages' is plural, so use 'are'. Also, 'greater' is a better collocation than 'bigger'.